The Five Things That Took me From Agoraphobic to Business Woman
Once upon a time, well as little as a year ago actually, I was verging on agoraphobic. I would only leave the house if I absolutely had to, which was usually for medical appointments for myself or my children. Mu anxiety was so bad that, if I rode the bus for more than 10 minutes away from my house I would feel instantly, physically ill, and full of panic and dread. My stomach would be churning, I would feel faint and have a desperate urge to escape wherever I was. As this experience was so frequent, I decided, at one point, that I should accept my fate, stay home as much as possible avoid, any and all, reasons to leave the house possible and live my entire life at home. I could create hobbies at home, I would still have my spouse and children and maybe one day I could work from home in a job where I could just ‘get on with it’ and avoid social interaction as much as possible. Afterall, I had been diagnosed as autistic, I had the perfect excuse, right?
Except I felt empty, like I was missing a huge part of my life, like there was so much more out there and why shouldn’t I go and get it, like my purpose was missing. This lead me to the realisation that all of this negative experience I had been through, with anxiety and self esteam even lower than the ground itself, it could actually be an asset. I could use this experience to help others and we could climb from the darkness together. I knew before this happened I would have to do some tough work on myself and my own life, so I set to work, with a new determination and drive that I had never felt before, I had finally found my purpose.
So what steps have I taken that have brought about this transformation?
1. I discovered mindfulness.
Now this is the single most significant discovery for me. As anxiety does still sometimes arise within me, through the practice of mindfulness, in the form of meditation and daily life, I am able to recognise feelings of anxiety as they arise, almost watch them like an outsider, lable them for what they are and watch them pass by. Anxiety and other negative emotions have very little power over you once you recognise them for what they are. Mindfulness has many more benefits than the primary one it presented to me too, and now I have learnt how to teach the stuff!
2. Made lifestyle changes
We all know that diet and exercise are given a lot of credit for lifting out mood and giving us more vitality in life. Well, I can confirm, from my own personal experience, that they aren’t “just saying it”. I began walking daily, and later began a daily yoga practice, I grant you that both of these things are not vigorous exercise, but even so they have had a huge positive impact on my life. Even on the days when I just don’t feel like it, I do, and then I am so pleased with myself that I bothered and feel fantastic for it — despite the achey muscles at times!
3. Mindset shift
To be honest this is huge and something I am still working on, and perhaps always will be to some extent. Firstly, I realised how lucky I am, I have become immensely grateful for all the things I do have, instead of focusing on all the things I don’t have. Secondly, and this one has been more difficult for me, is the realisation that I am good enough, I am valuable to the people around me and potentially to the world if I allow myself to be, and I am worthy and deserving of receiving love and all good things in my life. As I say, I am still working at convincing myself, deep down in the subconscious, of this but I now know it to be true.
4. Learning and Reading
I have read many self-help books and worked through a few self-help styles courses and, though they all have their variations, there are a few messages that seem to be prevalent in all of them, the apparent keys to happiness if you will, life lessons we can all take note of. These are gratitude, self-love, letting go of negativity form our lives and minds, accepting that there will be suffering in life but its our choice how we respond to this suffering and knowing that all our beliefs are not real facts, they are just things we have learnt along the way, and we have the ability to only believe the things that serve us and let go of what is causing us harm, even things hat stem back to childhood. (I’m not suggesting dismissing beliefs that keep us alive, if there is a bus hurtling down the road towards you, you should absolutely believe you wont win that fight!)
5. Communicating
Finally, realising that keeping everything bottled up and not speaking out and sharing how we truely think, feel and what we need is downright dangerous and is a potential path to sever mental health problems, or even suicide. Don’t get hung up on not wanting to burden others with your troubles, what use are you going to be to them anyway if you end up in a mental institution or even worse? And if people leave you circle because they don’t like your sharing, they weren’t worth having in there anyway. Speak out, speak up and be yourself no matter what they say. Expressing what is truly inside is the bets way to be free of it. You can also, do what I did, and ask others around you to hold you accountable to the steps you say you are going to take. If you need to speak with a psychologist, doctor, counselor, therapist, coach or anyone else for that matter, just do it! This is what they are there for and its so much easier to get through these things with support than going it alone.
So they you have it, the five things that have made me, literally, into a different person. I hope you find some inspiration here if you need it.
